addiction the state which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning

Written 3 years ago ~

*so most people just assume that I am completely obsessed and consumed with Rob Pattinson but I actually like other actors and artists and one of them is David Cook…..

I have decided that I am an addict. You know they say the first step is

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David…The guy that led me to some of the best friends I will ever have

admitting it, well here I am admitting my addiction. Am I addicted to drugs or alcohol? No. I am not addicted to sex either, well lets not get into that right at this moment :p  What I am addicted to, is meeting up every night with my Cook Chatter Girls in the David Cook chat that we found on the fox KC website so many months ago. I guess I never realized how much I needed them until the other night when I, who felt as though I was dying from one of my headaches I get as a result of my brain surgeries, just could not go and meet with my friends and chat.

So now three days have gone by and I am finally getting better and like a junkie searching for their next fix, I am rushing to my computer to join in to see my girls again and catch up. I feel like I have missed a month of stuff in those three days and honestly I don’t feel whole unless I am on there with them each and every night.

I, as well as my family, ask what the hell is wrong with me?  These are people I have never met and I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with them and less with those who supposedly love me. You know I speak of them often, the people who show me no respect, make me cry almost daily and wondering where I must have gone wrong as a wife and mother, sending me into such a depression.

It seems there is no cure for this addiction nor do I want one. I feel loved and whole when I am online with my girlfriends and it is this reason that makes me feel that I need to be there as much as possible. They have given me the strength to do something I never thought I could, to pack up and leave my husband after 21 years. I know that I have written he left me for another woman and all but now that she is gone, he is back and instead of just taking him back, which is what I probably would have done, I decided to do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but staying here is killing me day by day.  I could have never found the strength or conviction to do it without the love and support of my girls.

This year, I will leave for good and only look back for custody issues with our 2 younger children. My children haven’t decided where they want to be yet.  I am having a hard time with this but I understand that living here is all they have ever known and it would be cruel to take them from their school, their friends and lives just because I wanted to “have” them. Their dad may be the shittiest husband on earth but he is a great dad and loves them very much.

So once again I find myself turning to my Cook Sisters for the love and advice of what to do next. It is like I cannot function without them as sad as that is, but I don’t really want to. Of course all of this stems from what my family calls an unhealthy obsession with David Cook ~ yeah whatever. I really hate that word.  Just because you like someone’s music and find what they are doing at the time compelling does that mean you are obsessed?  His brother has multiple brain tumors and I can relate to that and he believes in the same causes I do, so yes I spend a lot of time with people who have an interest in him but if that makes me “obsessed” than, I guess I fucking am…go figure. If I didn’t know better you would think my family and friends had an intervention planned or something.

Well, these are two addictions, David Cook & Cook Chatter Girls, that I never plan on entering rehab for so anyone who has a problem with it, get over it and move on, that’s what I am doing.

* since this was written I moved and all three of my kids moved with me. Their dad found another live in girlfriend in which they hate (can’t blame them) but he and I just can’t seem to end this marriage.  How do you terminate the only thing you have ever really known or loved in your adult life?  Besides, the second the ink is dry on divorce papers the pariah will move in, con him into marriage and take everything from my family….that’s gonna happen over my dead fucking body thank you very much 😦

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