This is from last summer…..
Well, tonight finds me here lying flat on my back. Of course I suppose this could be taken in a few ways, but get your mind out of the gutter and know I injured my back and don’t know how the hell I did it. My ex-husband thinks it might have been on my little adventure with Krista, because that is when it initially started hurting, but I don’t know, I just know it hurts and I want it to stop.
Anyway, when you are laid up with nothing better to do you tend to think about all kinds of stuff, kind of reflect on everything (as if I haven’t been doing that anyway). I laid there wondering how I got from point A to point B. I should actually call it point Z because there have been so many stops along the way.
The one thing I determined is that it all starts with a simple dream, so that is what I will write about tonight, dreams.
There are all kinds of dreams, dreams for the future, daydreams, dreams of grandeur and of course dreams when we sleep. I believe everyone starts with a simple dream and that is to be happy, I mean I have never heard of anyone dreaming of being miserable.
When I was a child, I am sure that was my first dream, I don’t really remember, my family life was nothing special. I know when I was older I dreamed of being an architect. Had I worked hard enough I could possibly have had the chance to make it happen and go to my dad’s alma mater Stanford, but stupidity won out on that one. I made some really dumb mistakes and constantly made poor choices. I want to shoot myself now.
When I gave that dream up, or put it on hold, I again dreamed of happiness. I longed for that my whole life because I never really had it growing up. I used to always daydream that someone would come and take me away from all my misery and sadness as a teen and make me feel whole again. I’m still dreaming of that. I thought I had it for a long time, but it was a façade of nothing more than what I told myself it was, just to survive.
I think at one point we ALL have dreams of grandeur, don’t we? I mean how can we not? We all want to feel grand, important and magnificent at one time or another, so there is nothing wrong with dreaming about it.
Of course the most common thing people think of when they talk about dreams is the kind we have at night in our sleep. I myself have always had vivid dreams until lately. I am definitely dreaming, because I wake up and I have a feeling of contentment, but it is so strange not to know what I am dreaming of. Whatever it is, it has been going on for the last 5 or 6 months. Of course when I wake up it is back to the hell of my life, but for one sweet moment in time, I have something making me feel good.
So what do you dream about? I don’t have a lot of people who read this, but if you read this try and answer the question. You might be surprised at how far off course you have veered and/or given up those dreams completely.
Here’s to dreams, never give up on them no matter how weird or crazy they may seem to others. Don’t let anyone tell you that you will never accomplish or live out your dream. Don’t ever give up the dreams of grandeur, it never hurts to dream big and daydreaming, what can I say, I do it all the time. Night time dreams, may they be sweet and wonderful every night of your life because often that is the only time to experience the true happiness we all dreamed about in the very beginning thus bringing us full circle.